Always on Duty-War or No War by Sarah Smiley

War or No War-Always on Duty by Sarah Smiley

This is a piece written by Naval Spouse and INCREDIBLE author, Sarah Smiley, I first read this peice in an issue of Military Money. If you'd like to see more about Sarah, please visit her website

www.sarahsmiley.com

Probably more than any other group of people, military spouses are schooled in the art of patience. We have learned to be flexible and to endure because we are married into a system that, despite all its structure, is still quite unpredictable.

We have learned to be prepared for short-notice moves, unexpected separations and deployments that last longer than planned. We have grown used to long stretches of time when we can't speak to our spouses. And we have braced ourselves for the ultimate shock: an officer standing at our door.

So while the rest of the country debates the war in Iraq and grows impatient for the troops' return, we spouses wait patiently - tolerantly - because we know that the work of our loved ones cannot be measured in 30-second sound bites and ever-changing headlines.

This is precisely what sets military families apart from the rest. I can't help but laugh when I hear the media say that America is ready for the war to end so our servicemembers can return home to their families. Any military spouse knows an end to the war in Iraq does not necessarily mean an end to our loved one's sacrifices.

Serving in the military is my husband's job. The hardships of his duty do not cease during peacetime. Yes, troops will come home when the war has ended, but soon those troops will turn around and deploy again - maybe not to Iraq and maybe not to a war, but they will deploy nevertheless. When active duty servicemembers return from Iraq, they will not suddenly have nine-to-five jobs and be around for all their children's birthdays. To think otherwise is to be unaware of the daily sacrifices our military families make every single day.

Indeed, for the families waiting back home, there's little difference between the sacrifices made during a wartime deployment and a "routine" peacetime deployment. Yes, a wartime deployment generates more stress. But the lives of most military spouses have not changed much since before the Iraq war.

Please do not misunderstand: For the woman who has lost her husband in the war, life has changed inconceivably. But for most of us, we wait and we carry on. This is our daily lives. This is what we do. The only difference today is that more people care and there is increased attention from the media.

Reporters ask me, "How many times has your husband deployed to a war?" and I dodge the question, not because I'm being elusive but rather I think it shouldn't matter. In fact, my husband has deployed only during war time. But does that make my sacrifices more relevant than my mother's, when her husband (my dad) had been at sea for a total of 11 years - most of them "routine" - by the time they reached their 22nd wedding anniversary?

Just the other day, a reporter asked, "Are you anxious for the war in Iraq to be over so your husband doesn't have to deploy any more?" I couldn't help it; I laughed - out loud. Who says my husband won't deploy? If I've learned anything during my time as a military wife, it is that nothing is guaranteed. The only way my husband won't "have to deploy any more" is if he gets out of the military completely.

For military spouses, the cycle of deployments, missed holidays, lonely anniversaries and long separations is not governed by any war or what's debated on TV. It is as much a part of our daily lives as weekend business trips and conference calls are to the average business person. It is part of the job description, war or no war.

Don't have pity for us. Don't wish an end to the war for our sakes. Instead, understand that America's service men and women really are deployed every day of every year. And their families wait month after month during routine and wartime deployments alike.
Just as our servicemembers have been trained for duty, we spouses have been trained for patience.

Military Life

I haven't written in awhile. I've been too much in a funk to want to share it...*smiles* But I'm doing better.

Sitting here listening to Shakira ~ Underneath your clothes...I miss George so much. He left about a month ago and we have five more months of waiting until we're together again...which means, no, he won't be here for Christmas. It is awful. I miss him every moment of everyday. It isn't like it was when I was back home, being in our house with all of our stuff, and just seeing him and smelling him everywhere, it's so hard to be apart. I got used to him being there during these past two months...I'm missing him like mad now.

But things are great...better than could be expected. There are always bumps along the road and I hope ours are mearly speed bumps from here on in. I'm having baby cravings so badly and my body keeps telling me, it's ready to get pregnant, but I'm not ready. Neither is George I don't think. If it happened, it wouldn't be the end of the world...but I'm just not ready mentally. Everyone tells me, oh you'll never be ready. But I need to finish with the immigration stuff. Still have to file my permanent residency and get the naturalization underway...and hopefully get a job...although I'm still waiting on my work authorization.

I'm also working now, at the Navy and Marine Corp Relief Society. Alot to learn but I'm really enjoying it so far. I'm loving the people that I work with and the whole idea of helping the service men and women and their families.

People never really understand what it means to be a Navy wife. They are like, oh yea, the military...that's cool. But they don't understand the sacrifice that we bare everyday. We are for the most part, single people living in a strange world. Everything is different for us. Our husbands and wives are gone for long periods of time and often to the most scariest places on the earth. They are almost always in some danger and unlike an extended vacation, usually can manage a phone call only once or twice a week-if we're lucky. After that we rely on emails and letters in the mail. Sometimes we don't hear from our loved ones for days, weeks and months. Yet we are expected to do everything in their absense. I've become to apprecieate the Navy Mother. The wife who is at home iwth her babies while their daddy is away. These incredible women are the backbone of our Navy family. Support comes in but it isn't always the easier thing to find. No matter if it is time of war or not...deployments still happen. Thankfully the girls that I work with are all in the same boat as me...so we rely on each other. Thank god.

Anyways, this navy wife has an early day tomorrow...so I'll write more again later...godspeed to our all service people...your loved ones are definately awaiting your return!

Hate-Kyprios

So it's no secret I'm a hip hop head. ALso no secret that my favourite lyricist is Kyprios...from Canada...well for the first time tonight I got a chance to see his video for my ultimate awe-inducing song: Hate.

It speaks to anyone and everyone equally. At first you may think he is be derogatory...or racist...but that is the entire point. Kyprios points out the obvious misconceptions and slurrs that society uses today and turns them around to shock you into understanding his message. His gift of the spoken word is only magnified by his choice of lines. He is incredible.

I've seen him live three times. I'd go again, any day and anytime. He is a person that you see perform on stage and are so struck by his words that you are desperate to take some of it home with you. Off stage he is even more personable and kind. He has a way about him that is the opitome of "down to earth" and real. He isn't some ego-inflated hip hop head with a passion for violence and destruction, money and hoes. He is a geniune lover of music and even more infused passionately about words.

Whenever I have written in awhile...I listen to my Kyprios album and am again inspired to write not for myself, but for the education of those who cannot educate themselves. All people have the ability to learn but some are so stuck behind societal miscommunications that they are effectively wrapped up in sound proofed plastic where they cannot hear anything else but teh mundane and pre-programmed stance. Like Kyprios, and Sweatshop Union-people need to be given the tools to cut through the crap and listen with their own ears and see with their own eyes. Once the plastic is ripped away, people are shocked to find what they had been hiding in. Tools. Thats the key. Tools=education=freedom.

Check out the video: (you might have to try it a few times, it has issues...)

Hate-Kyprios

See if it doesn't help change your perspective...and pass it on.
k

Hi hi hi!

So I just got back from my first day of being an animal shelter volunteer. It was great, I played with the kitties and cleaned out 8 litter boxes. *laugh* Not glamouros (sp) for sure. I also found out the sad news that it is a high-kill shelter, which means there is alot of euthinasia...I'm not sure if I can deal with it...but we'll sure see. It was nice to be around animals again.

George is officially gone now too. To bahrain. for six months. I'm kind of devestated. I say kind of because I'm not crying all day but I'm depressed and I miss him more then I thought I would. Not to say I didn't think I wouldn't miss him but we were just apart for two years and so I thought I could do this no problem. I'm having problems sleeping now and can't concentrate and even starting watching his favourite shows because I miss him so much...come home soon baby!

Thats all to report so far.
XOXO
k