Always on Duty-War or No War by Sarah Smiley

War or No War-Always on Duty by Sarah Smiley

This is a piece written by Naval Spouse and INCREDIBLE author, Sarah Smiley, I first read this peice in an issue of Military Money. If you'd like to see more about Sarah, please visit her website

www.sarahsmiley.com

Probably more than any other group of people, military spouses are schooled in the art of patience. We have learned to be flexible and to endure because we are married into a system that, despite all its structure, is still quite unpredictable.

We have learned to be prepared for short-notice moves, unexpected separations and deployments that last longer than planned. We have grown used to long stretches of time when we can't speak to our spouses. And we have braced ourselves for the ultimate shock: an officer standing at our door.

So while the rest of the country debates the war in Iraq and grows impatient for the troops' return, we spouses wait patiently - tolerantly - because we know that the work of our loved ones cannot be measured in 30-second sound bites and ever-changing headlines.

This is precisely what sets military families apart from the rest. I can't help but laugh when I hear the media say that America is ready for the war to end so our servicemembers can return home to their families. Any military spouse knows an end to the war in Iraq does not necessarily mean an end to our loved one's sacrifices.

Serving in the military is my husband's job. The hardships of his duty do not cease during peacetime. Yes, troops will come home when the war has ended, but soon those troops will turn around and deploy again - maybe not to Iraq and maybe not to a war, but they will deploy nevertheless. When active duty servicemembers return from Iraq, they will not suddenly have nine-to-five jobs and be around for all their children's birthdays. To think otherwise is to be unaware of the daily sacrifices our military families make every single day.

Indeed, for the families waiting back home, there's little difference between the sacrifices made during a wartime deployment and a "routine" peacetime deployment. Yes, a wartime deployment generates more stress. But the lives of most military spouses have not changed much since before the Iraq war.

Please do not misunderstand: For the woman who has lost her husband in the war, life has changed inconceivably. But for most of us, we wait and we carry on. This is our daily lives. This is what we do. The only difference today is that more people care and there is increased attention from the media.

Reporters ask me, "How many times has your husband deployed to a war?" and I dodge the question, not because I'm being elusive but rather I think it shouldn't matter. In fact, my husband has deployed only during war time. But does that make my sacrifices more relevant than my mother's, when her husband (my dad) had been at sea for a total of 11 years - most of them "routine" - by the time they reached their 22nd wedding anniversary?

Just the other day, a reporter asked, "Are you anxious for the war in Iraq to be over so your husband doesn't have to deploy any more?" I couldn't help it; I laughed - out loud. Who says my husband won't deploy? If I've learned anything during my time as a military wife, it is that nothing is guaranteed. The only way my husband won't "have to deploy any more" is if he gets out of the military completely.

For military spouses, the cycle of deployments, missed holidays, lonely anniversaries and long separations is not governed by any war or what's debated on TV. It is as much a part of our daily lives as weekend business trips and conference calls are to the average business person. It is part of the job description, war or no war.

Don't have pity for us. Don't wish an end to the war for our sakes. Instead, understand that America's service men and women really are deployed every day of every year. And their families wait month after month during routine and wartime deployments alike.
Just as our servicemembers have been trained for duty, we spouses have been trained for patience.