Las Vegas in my living room!

So, it has been a month since I posted. I've been pretty busy. And bored. And meloncholy. BUt beyond that...life is...well...bright. Today is the day that my Mum has chosen to raise the CHristmas tree. My sister and her beau went and got the perfect tree...yes here in Canada we cut down our own trees, we don't buy them from factories in North Dakota. So after much yelling and mailto:f#@k, the tree is now up. Mum has strung on the lights. We have a mini Las Vegas in our living room. Completely with the scantily dressed Pussycat Dolls (our cats are ONLY wearing their joker-like Christmas collars.) I think we may be using all the electricity for the entire village. But it looks gorgeous. As our faithful Angel looks down at her glowing radiance which illuminates from beneath her dress, I find it fitting that her candle is blue. This isn't the greatest Christmas. George isn't here. My baby brother is driving a road that has claimed dozens of lives this week. My sister has moved out and I'm 24, in my parents house, with no idea when I get to go home. I'm such a whiner. In other news, three of the main gifts I got for Mum Blair and Emily have not arrived yet. I'm a little irritated, but then again, leaving it to the last minute to buy gifts online isn't the best idea. No domestic princess am I. Oh well, bring on the rum and eggnog, or maybe just the rum! Happy Holidays!

(Not) coming home for the Holidays

So. I'm sitting here in these arctic temperatures. I'm mildly amused today. I'm feeling funny and witty, although I doubt that it goes far beyond my own random mind. On to today's topic.

George is not coming home for Christmas.

Now I need to clarify, Canada is not George's home. But "they" say that 'home is where the heart is...' and I'm here in Canada, so isn't that where his heart is so meaning that this is home? Makes sense to me, although I'm the same girl who thought that beets were marinated turnips. Go figure. So George decided to go to San Diego for Christmas. It caused a huge fight and a wealth of crying on my part. I also won an oscar for my performance as the over-emotional, crazy, depressed, irrational princess wife. I cried for two days straight. I didn't go out, I didn't leave my bed really. All I could think is "why doesn't he want to see me? " and " he hasn't seen me in a year, what the fuck?" It doesn't help that those closest to me feel the need to only reinforce those ideas into my head..."obviously he doesn't want to see you" or "maybe if you weren't so fat he'd like to see you more" or " maybe he has someone else, it has been almost two years you know...". Now I am not the most sane person at the best of times. This has made me insane. I have started drinking coffee again because the depression takes my energy and makes me want to lay in my cold bed for the rest of my life. Although perhaps it is my dual personality that gets me back into the game by saying, "fuck that, I'm going out and getting drunk, and fight with him until he comes here." So that is what I did...kinda. We talked about it and it is the right choice for him to go to San Diego for the little time he has off. Getting to me is only worth it if you have a lot of days to spare, which he doesn't. I don't even live near an airport, closest one is five hours away...five hours on a very shitty highway. Besides that, immigration says that I should get to go home in January, so whats another month. It still hurts, and I don't think about it too much because I start feeling my eyes well up with tears...but thats life...take everyday and make it the best that you can. *smiles* We will have many more holidays to celebreate together.

Phat or Fat Tyra?

Tyra Banks Goes Undercover As Obese WomanNov 2, 3:42 PM EST
The Associated Press
LOS ANGELES -- Tyra Banks has gone undercover as a 350-pound woman. Banks wore the fat suit to experience what it's like to be obese.
"It seemed like the last form of open discrimination that's OK, and I decided to put on a 350-pound suit myself and live that life for a day and see what happens," the 31-year-old former supermodel told AP Radio in a recent interview. "And it was one of the most heartbreaking days of my life."
Banks said she was shocked at the reaction.
"I started walking down the street and within 10 seconds, a trio of people looked at me, snickered, looked me right in my eye and started pointing and laughing in my face," the talk-show host said. "And I had no idea it was that blatant."
The segment will air Monday on "The Tyra Banks Show."
Banks, who had a sonogram on her show in September to prove that her breasts are real, is also planning a Nov. 18 segment on pursuing "a beautiful booty."
She will reveal her own "dimpled butt" and receive endermologie treatment on the set.


***Good attempt Tyra...maybe just stick to being Paris Hilton. I'm not all that impressed with this however it is a step in the right direction for women like Tyra to understand that being fat isn't the only issue that overweight women experience. There is the constant complaint of society. I tend to overlook people on the street or that I don't know who make comments because they are most likely just insecure and ignorant people so why care about an opinion of a person like that? I do agree that it is the last acceptable discrimmination and it shouldn't be. Thanks for stepping a day into my world...now wear that home to your boyfriend and then tell me how heartbreaking it is...***

Immortal Technique~The Poverty of Philosophy

Immortal Technique ~ Poverty of Philosophy
This is my favourite Immortal Technique song...although it is spoken word. It is one of the most intense and compelling pieces that I have ever heard. Educate yourself, listen and learn.
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Most of my Latino and black people who are struggling to get food, clothes and shelter in the hood are so concerned with that, that philosophising about freedom and socialist democracy is usually unfortunately beyond their rationale. They don't realize that America can't exist without separating them from their identity, because if we had some sense of who we really are, there's no way in hell we'd allow this country to push it's genocidal consensus on our homelands. This ignorance exists, but it can be destroyed.Nigga talk about change and working within the system to achieve that. The problem with always being a conformist is that when you try to change the system from within, it's not you who changes the system; it's the system that will eventually change you. There is usually nothing wrong with compromise in a situation, but compromising yourself in a situation is another story completely, and I have seen this happen long enough in the few years that I've been alive to know that it's a serious problem. Latino America is a huge colony of countries whose presidents are cowards in the face of economic imperialism. You see, third world countries are rich places, abundant in resources, and many of these countries have the capacity to feed their starving people and the children we always see digging for food in trash on commercials. But plutocracies, in other words a government run by the rich such as this one and traditionally oppressive European states, force the third world into buying overpriced, unnecessary goods while exporting huge portions of their natural resources.I'm quite sure that people will look upon my attitude and sentiments and look for hypocrisy and hatred in my words. My revolution is born out of love for my people, not hatred for others.You see, most of Latinos are here because of the great inflation that was caused by American companies in Latin America. Aside from that, many are seeking a life away from the puppet democracies that were funded by the United States; places like El Salvador, Guatemala, Peru, Columbia, Nicaragua, Ecuador and Republica Dominicana, and not just Spanish-speaking countries either, but Haiti and Jamaica as well.As different as we have been taught to look at each other by colonial society, we are in the same struggle and until we realize that, we'll be fighting for scraps from the table of a system that has kept us subservient instead of being self-determined. And that's why we have no control over when the embargo will stop in Cuba, or when the bombs will stop dropping in Vieques.But you see, here in America the attitude that is fed to us is that outside of America there live lesser people. "Fuck them, let them fend for themselves." No, Fuck you, they are you. No matter how much you want to dye your hair blonde and put fake eyes in, or follow an anorexic standard of beauty, or no matter how many diamonds you buy from people who exploit your own brutally to get them, no matter what kind of car you drive or what kind of fancy clothes you put on, you will never be them. They're always gonna look at you as nothing but a little monkey. I'd rather be proud of what I am, rather than desperately trying to be something I'm really not, just to fit in. And whether we want to accept it or not, that's what this culture or lack of culture is feeding us.I want a better life for my family and for my children, but it doesn't have to be at the expense of millions of lives in my homeland. We're given the idea that if we didn't have these people to exploit then America wouldn't be rich enough to let us have these little petty material things in our lives and basic standards of living. No, that's wrong. It's the business giants and the government officials who make all the real money. We have whatever they kick down to us. My enemy is not the average white man, it's not the kid down the block or the kids I see on the street; my enemy is the white man I don't see: the people in the white house, the corporate monopoly owners, fake liberal politicians those are my enemies. The generals of the armies that are mostly conservatives those are the real Mother-Fuckers that I need to bring it to, not the poor, broke country-ass soldier that's too stupid to know shit about the way things are set up.In fact, I have more in common with most working and middle-class white people than I do with most rich black and Latino people. As much as racism bleeds America, we need to understand that classism is the real issue. Many of us are in the same boat and it's sinking, while these bougie Mother-Fuckers ride on a luxury liner, and as long as we keep fighting over kicking people out of the little boat we're all in, we're gonna miss an opportunity to gain a better standard of living as a whole.In other words, I don't want to escape the plantation I want to come back, free all my people, hang the Mother-Fucker that kept me there and burn the house to the god damn ground. I want to take over the encomienda and give it back to the people who work the land.You cannot change the past but you can make the future, and anyone who tells you different is a Fucking lethargic devil. I don't look at a few token Latinos and black people in the public eye as some type of achievement for my people as a whole. Most of those successful individuals are sell-outs and house Negros.But, I don't consider brothers a sell-out if they move out of the ghetto. Poverty has nothing to do with our people. It's not in our culture to be poor. That's only been the last 500 years of our history; look at the last 2000 years of our existence and what we brought to the world in terms of science, mathematics, agriculture and forms of government. You know the idea of a confederation of provinces where one federal government controls the states? The Europeans who came to this country stole that idea from the Iroquois lead. The idea of impeaching a ruler comes from an Aztec tradition. That's why Montezuma was stoned to death by his own people 'cause he represented the agenda of white Spaniards once he was captured, not the Aztec people who would become Mexicans.So in conclusion, I'm not gonna vote for anybody just 'cause they black or Latino they have to truly represent the community and represent what's good for all of us proletariat.Viva la revolution!

Happy Halloween

Saturday night's alright! Went to the Halloween Dance. Dressed up as Foxy Disco Diva! Yes, that is a blonde afro...for those of you who don't know me as well as you should, I considered getting my natural hair done like that but for fear that my hair guru might actually kill me, I decided on the wig. *smiles* It was a super great time. If you are interested in seeing more photos...

www.flickr.com/photos/vivaglam

We had a great time. I had a bit too much to drink but thank the heavens, no hangover yesterday for work. Tired yes, but no headache...happy day. The costumes were great. Valemount isn't as bad as I always thought. This was a dance where I knew everyone and had a blast.

Friday Night I was a chaperone for the High School Halloween Dance. Talk about feeling ancient. And I got a huge eye-opening. See, I always got drunk before the dances in high school, just like everyone else I went to school with. Upon walking into the gym on Friday I realized just how retarded I was to think that no one noticed. How could you not??? *laughing* The kids thought, like I once did, that they were being so smooth and hiding it so well. They definately were not. *laugh* And while I didn't have to get anyon in trouble, I did have to get in the middle of a girl fight. It is unbelieveable the things that teenage girls find to fight about. *laughing* Stop the insanity!

As for Halloween day...I'm sitting around in my casual clothes, making a CD, contemplating life and getting stoked to ride the firetruck tonight! *laughing* Here in the Valley we have fireworks at night on Halloween and the firemen just happen to be my best friends so I get to ride in the firetruck! Yea, and have hot chocolate, yes I'm only 6. *laughing* Gotta run, it is shower time.

Kayne West for President

I've been doing alot of soul searching lately. It seems that when I'm listening to music I always identify with the lyrics. I've been listening to alot of Kanye lately. Specifically "Jesus Walks." This song is so incredible for so many reasons. He says exactly how I've been feeling lately. "I wanna talk to God but I'm afraid because we haven't spoken in so long." Thats me. I really am desperate to find my faith. I want to be able to have a personal relationship with something bigger than myself, something undefinable, something wise and all-seeing. I sound a bit like an infomercial. THere was a time when I read the bible everyday, not alot as I was very very young and didn't understand, but I felt that "God" was the only entity out there who understood me. I'm faced with the same feeling right now. I want to find my faith but I'm afriad because of all that I have seen and done in the past years. I went from Sunday School good girl, to atheist bad girl, to Wiccan-ritual doing, spritual magic doer, to lost in the forest of religion. I have a few close friends who are devote Catholics, they've been extreamly kind to me, and very very helpful in the faith-seeking nature of mine. I have other friends who are Christian and pretty much keep to themselves about religion. I am tired of hearing the pulpit being used as a political soap box. I am also sick of those who are so into being "God's children" but so self riteous that they lose sight of what is really important and don't even get me started on the wannbe's. I don't think that religion is something that makes you cool or uncool, it is a personal thing but it isn't something to be used for the wrong reasons. Kayne West talks about what is wrong the world and how only Jesus can save us. Maybe he is right, maybe he isn't but I think he is getting the message right. He has his mind in the right place. What appeals most to be as far as Kayne's faith is that he doesn't expect a person to be perfect. He talks about wanting the wrong things from the music business. He talks about smoking pot and having one night stands. He talks about putting himself out there trying to do what he feels is right and getting thrown off course because of his human nature. What is important is that he tries to stay true to himself. If Kanye ran for President, I'd vote yes any day!

My Ode to Sweatshop Union

My Ode to Sweatshop Union (taken from my Myspace blog.)

So October 18th came. I was beside myself with excitement. It felt like Christmas eve. I was finally going to be able to see my favourite lyricists in person: live show. Sweatshop Union was making a stop in Jasper and I had gotten the days off to go see the show. I worked that morning, hardly able to concentrate, so curious and excited about the night before me. We all got together and got ready, got in the van and drove to Jasper. When we first got to the club I was dismayed to see that there was no one inside...my first thought was that perhaps they had cancelled, but DJ Rob said that the show was going to be a late one so I didn't worry too much more. We walked outside, the girls started going a bit insane and waving and pointing, turns out that our group was staying in the hotel room right above the club, so we waved and went along our merry way to get some pre-show drinks. After a couple of gin and tonics later we were ready. We headed back to the B and got our tables...the boys had more drinking inmind and quickly the excitment and bodies in the club grew. My favourite Kyprios song came on so Nicki and I went and danced, and I was just feeling good and having a great time when I looked over to Rob the DJ and noticed him talking to Kyprios. I almost fell down. *laugh* I am such the drama queen and I was so unsure what to do. The guys from the group were all standing there, less than five feet from us but I didn't want to be that girl who runs over and gushes all over them, but then I also knew that they knew that I knew who they were so I should probably do something. In perfect big sister form I sent over baby sister to say hello. She was alot more intoxicated than I and had no quams going over to the boys and saying hello. I kept dancing and just getting more and more stoked for the show. Pretty soon they were announcing the Sweatshop Union. The night flew by after this, what was two hours seemed like 2 minutes. They were much better than I had expected. When I worked as a talent scount for Trans Continental Talent in LA, I saw hundreds of hip hop shows, and usually either the show was good and the CD wasn't or vice versa. Because I had heard only Sweatshop's CD's and Kyprios live I wasn't too sure what to expect. Rapping on stage in front of a live crowd is a tough task, the breathing has to be just right, flow, and music has to perfect. They were AWESOME! I was beyond impressed really. I was spellbound. Although they were missing one member (Get well soon) they rocked my socks right off! I want to praise each member individually but I feel a bit ridiculous calling them by their "handles" I feel like such a groupie although after reading the above, obviously I am...*laugh* To begin with, Marmalade...looks like a regular cutie. White boy can spit! He was solid during the entire show, has a smile that I'm sure melts many hearts and a range with his voice that keeps lyrical fans totally enthralled. Impressive. Metty. Has this odd sex appeal. I'm not usually a fan of the skater guy but he has this stage personality that makes him irresistable. He raps like he was born doing it. He was the only one I didn't get to say thanks for the show too, so thanks! Dusty...the dreds are great! The dancing was even better. This guy is unreal. Speaks so fast that his voice makes its own music. Not to mention his happy and genuine smiles! DJ Itchy Ron...I love New York too! Great work on the tables...being a DJ is super hard work but Ron makes it look so easy. He has this shy smile, sings with the hooks and scratches his way through the sets...he makes everything work together...a live DJ to spin, every MC should be so lucky. Mos...where do I begin. Okay, so I have a soft spot for those black/brown eyes. He was fantastic. The lyrics and ryhmes that he raps, you can tell come from his soul. He puts alot of passion into the stage show and makes eye contact with the crowd. He was so mesmerizing it was hard to take your eyes off him. Kyprios. My old friend from last summer. Incredible yet again. He really has an integral place within this group although solo he is awesome too. Kyprios has a presence on the stage that only adds to aura of the Union. Kyprios has a way of speaking that goes beyond rapping...he is truly the master of the spoken word. Live he is almost possessed by his hip hop soul. The way that he moves, the way that he plays around, the way that the words leap from his mouth and into your mind...it is truly something to see. Thank you Sweatshop Union! SO yea, I guess you can say that I loved the show. I will definately be seeking them out to see again and again and I will also help to educate the world of the greatness of Sweatshop Union. They're here to show the the world how strong CANADA IS!

The Weight Debate

So I finally, four months after getting the email, looked at the gastric bypass page. I'm so scared. I am scared that I will go ahead with this surgery and ruin my life. I am also scared not to do this surgery and live my life unhealthy and unattracitve. Although it isn't about looks for me, I know that I'm fine now. I am not really sure how to feel about this. I realize that my weight is getting out of control but shouldn't I really deeply want to change it? Because I don't feel that way everyday. Some days, I'm all gung-ho, and other days, I'm totally against it. Do I have more than one personality? Perhaps. I don't know. If anyone reading this has any information that they'd like to pass on, please do!

In totally unrelated news, Hootie and the Blowfish have a new song out. Just the sound of his voice brings me back to grade eight. Hanging around the arcade, being silly but trying to be so mature. Life is funny. When I was that age I thought that by 20 my life would be planned and running smoothly. I kinda always knew I would move to the US...but I didn't think it would be like this. In all honestly, as far as George is concerned, my life is better than I had hoped at 13, but career wise I am a total failure to my youth. I had planned to graduate law school by 23. Here I am 24 years old and no law degree...no real job...not even living with my husband. I also thought that I would definately have kids by 25. I am so not ready yet although my biological clock is thundering inside me. Everytime I see a baby, I am almost in tears and I just look at my friends who have children around me and how together their lives seem. Maybe that's what I'm missing, just having my life together. I am such a mess. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I love doing makeup, and would love to be a makeup artist but when it comes down to it, I don't think it would be good enough for me to feel satisfied. That being said, I don't want an office job. I want a job that I love, that is always changing and that helps people. I really want to go into politics. I am good at public speaking. I have good ideas and strong ideals. I just don't know where to start. Blah blah blah. I am feeling that I am in a crossroads right now, I feel that I need to start making a choice. Even though I've been in a holding pattern for over a year due to this immigration nightmare...at least I think we're on the downward slope now. Or so I hope. Well I need to run off and do my laundry.

Move over Eros

The New Happiest Place on Earth

**can you believe this? who needs Disneyworld???**

LONDON (AP) -
Developers announced plans Friday to open a multimillion dollar sexual "theme park" near London's Piccadilly Circus, home to the much-photographed statue of the Greek god of love. Backers say the London Academy of Sex and Relationships, due to open next spring, will not be a sleazy sex museum, but an educational multimedia attraction that will teach visitors to become better lovers and provide valuable information about disease and sexual problems.
Located within the Trocadero entertainment centre - just around the corner from Soho, London's red-light district - the $8.3 million US project will feature unspecified "high tech and interactive exhibits."
Alex Rayner, a spokesman for the project, said it was "committed to avoiding the sleazy image that the sex industry usually conjures."
"Titillation is not the goal," he said. "It's meant to be educational. It's meant to be informative."
The privately funded project has support from sexual health organizations including the Sexual Dysfunction Association and AIDS charity The Terrence Higgins Trust.
"It is long overdue that the U.K. faces up to its responsibilities in the sexual arena - we cannot simply avoid mankind's leading preoccupation and the issues that go with it," said the academy's director of exhibits, Dr. Sarah Brewer. "The academy is the perfect vehicle by which to address these important matters in an exciting, amusing and yet educational way."
Several cities around the world - including New York, Amsterdam, Barcelona and Paris - are home to erotic museums. Typically, they exhibit everything from pornography to high-minded paintings exploring local sexual attitudes and culture.

Welcome Mr. and Mrs. Schepens!

So this weekend I was blessed to attend the wedding of two of my favourite people. Shane and Carrie, if you are reading this, your wedding was incredible. You two are an inspiration to all who know you. I love you guys! For those of you who don't know Shane and Carrie, they are the world newly married super couple. Carrie is this sweet, adorable, strong and motivated woman who is also my sorority sister (we were initated as sisters, we stay as sisters.) Carrie and I met at UNBC in 1999. She was a bright rainbow. Carrie doesn't have a favourite colour, she says her favourite is the rainbow, which is exactly like her. A carebear. *smiles* She gives the greatest hugs (sorry George.) She can always pick you up when you're down, and she makes me laugh constantly. She is going to make the world's best teacher. Obviously her love for children will make her the most sought after Montessori (sorry if I spelled it wrong) teacher on the planet.

Shane and I met through Student Success Week. I believe that we had met before then actually but we became friends through that two week session. Shane was my saving grace at 7 am with a hot pot of coffee and a quick smile. I quickly fell in love with Shane. Not romantically but on a purely friendship level. Shane and I have alot in common actually. Not only are we smart but we're also so cute. *laugh* Okay, maybe Shane is alot more smart than I and perhaps a bit cuter! *smile* Shane and I then started working at NUGSS (Northern Undergraduate Student Society.) I was Vice President Director of Internal Affairs and Shane was Vice President Director of Finance. Shane was unreal. He had the numbers down to a science, and any question I possibly had about anything UNBC he knew it. Shane also has a huge heart. When I was having troubles in NUGSS due to 23 of my available 24 hours a day devoted to the office and student society stuff, I had little time for class and Shane helped to bring me back to reality of why I was at UNBC. Shane also was always available to offer a huge hug and a quick smile whenever I was feeling less than stellar. Now you might be thinking that is it. Shane and I also shared another passion, politics. Between him and the other boys on our board of directors, I learned anything and everything that I know from them. Shane taught me how to use the facts, to always put your heart and soul into it and to always always always do what is right no matter what it might cost. Shane is awesome.

So upon reading this you are definately thinking, of course, how much better can two people be for each other. You'd be right. They are perfect. Shane and Carrie met after Shane and I did Student Success Week. I'd like to believe that I set them up, however, it was fate and God that brought them together. These two have been meant to be together since birth. Their wedding was just yet another chapter of their wonderful life together. I can't wait to see the babies! I will also post pictures ASAP.

I also have a bunch of stuff to write about Sarah and Curt, Suzy and Mark, Amanda and Nate, Mr. Moe, Saleema, Bailey and everyone else that I saw this weekend that I missed so much! So keep tuned in.

Lost my VOICE

So I still have no voice. It sucks. I spend so much time talking and now I can't and I am so bored and...quiet. It is a gorgeous sunny day here, I have worked in three days, I feel lazy yet I know that I'm not even able to do my job correctly...I can't answer phones or even greet people. Uuuhg. I hate this. I hope that it passes soon.

George finally called last night. About time too. He said he was really busy with putting the ship back together and he was in Mexico with the boys, I always feel bad about freaking out on him because I know that even when he doesn't call he is thinking of me, but still, I need more attention...especially because I am sick and feeling sorry for myself...if no one else will coddle me I at least hope he will...I think he understands a bit more now...I'm just so needy. My flaw but hey, he married me. *soft smile* I do love him so much more than I tell him. Things are hard right now with him being so far away and all the stress we've had the past while. I can't wait to get home and just be a regular married couple. I'm not sure what that is, but I'm really looking forward to it.

In more good news, my favourite group, Sweatshop Union is coming to Jasper on October 17th, 2005. I'm so pumped. I haven't seen them live yet, only Kyprios ( a member of the group.) They are just such an inspirational group of Canadians. I love Canadian hip hop. I totally owe it to Nicki and her friends for introducing me to Sweatshop. Their newest album, United We Fall is pretty interesting. Although I am a military wife, as a Canadian I understand the feeling to be against the US government and the war. What they speak on the record is about breaking from conformity of being constant clones. They want us to think for ourselves. They speak the concious thoughts of hip hop today. Their music is not bitches and hoes and never ending money and drugs....they talk about the real world. I respect what they do and their methods. I feel very jumbled up from this cold medicine so I'm going to stop here...but I'll write more later.

The Unthinkable.

So good news. Rita missed Corpus Christi and went straight on to LA...incase you've been under a rock and not seen the news. George is most likely heading home (since he has an issue with calling me!) and back to work tomorrow. I'm sad for those who lost it all in these disastorous hurricane season and I feel extreamly fortunate to have been spared the heartache. God Bless Texas.

In more news, I have officially lost my voice today. What started as a terrible headache has escalated to a bad cough and then upon waking this morning to find that I have no voice whatsoever. When I attempt to talk it comes out like a squeak. It sucks. I've had to call in sick to work twice now...and I feel guilty for it because I'm not sick, I just can't perform any functions of my job without a voice. It is silly really. I've been drinking tea and taking lemon all day to try and get my lovely voice back but it seems to no avail so far. Can you imagine, Kelsey not being able to talk? It is quite the scene. I feel very quiet for obvious reasons.

Still waiting to hear if Sweatshop Union is definately coming to Jasper. I can't wait to see them. I love them. I so hope that they are really coming to Jasper. *grins*

I'm gonna go and eat some soup and have a nap. I hope all is well with whomever is reading this and I will post more new information just as soon as I hear it.

Rita Rita go away

So it has been forever since I updated this here. Many things have gone on. First things first, I'll start a few weeks ago. Nicki turned 20. Wow. Not a teen any longer. So we gathered up 15 of our best friends, rented a van and driver and went to Jasper for the night. Not only did we go but we dressed up as well. 70's. We went GROOVY! The photo above is me and B in our 70's gear. Yes, I am wearing not one but TWO hair pieces! It was a great night had by all, no puking, no fighting, no one in jail and everyone home in their own bed safe and sound. It was awesome. If you want to see more photos of that trip as well as all of my other digital photos I have a new website for you to see:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/vivaglam

All me all the time. The good, the bad and the ugly.

What else...baby brother is now a Kimberly Dynamiter. We're very proud and he is doing great. I will update more and more, only played a few games and has already scored some points. I'll get some awesome photos once we get down there to watch a few games.

So George was evacuated today. Hurricane Rita is bearing down on our home. Yesterday it was supposed to hit between Corpus CHristi and Galveston. Unfortunately we live directly between the two places. Thankfully (for us) the hurricane has shifted and is moving further towards Houston. I have been glued to CNN for two days, hardly able to sleep, and I have a horrible head cold, watching to see what is going on. Doesn't help that the navy keeps my husband so busy that he can't call me to tell me what is going on. Finally he called today, he is going to Brownsville to wait out the storm. I am pretty upset still, we stand to lose all that we own. Everything is in storage in Corpus and I'm really hoping that the warehouse can stand through it. Upon watching the traffic getting out of Houston, I'm thankful to be in the middle of nowhere in nothern Canada. Nothing bad happens here (knocking on wood) maybe not nothing but we don't have tragic natural disasters. I am pleased to see a bit more planning and strategy going on with hurricane Rita as I had hoped for Katrina, but it seems that everyone has learned from that mistake. I cannot even begin to imagine what the people of New Orleans are going through. So I have taken to prayer to get me through this troubling time. I pray that all are okay and that perhaps by some other freak of nature the hurricane dissapates and just goes away, we've had enough disaster Mother Nature!

Beyond that, I'm sick, I hate being sick. I'm drinking NeoCitron right now...YUCK! It tastes disgusting but is supposed to ease my symptoms. If you can imagine, I'm even having a really hard time talking. My throat is all swollen and I can't stop coughing and sniffing. I've also had a week long headache. It sucks. I've been overdosing on echineacia (bad spelling) each night before bed so I'm hoping it is going away.

I'm going to go to bed now, and try to sleep. I'll post more soon. My thoughts are with you Texas...stay safe.

my new hair

good morning,

things are overcast today, much like my mood. I am not going to go into details of my sadness right now but I'm feeling rather sick to my stomach. I haven't written here for awhile, to be honest I've been pretty busy. I usually check my email late at night before bed and am too tired to write down the day's composition. Today I'm up early (11:00am is early for me) and so I thought I would write some things here.

Marley had her kittens, Donalda is a Grandmother and I, again, am an auntie. Marley had five babies, let me see if I can remember their names, there is Simba, Melody, Reggae, Ziggy, and ummm...hmmm...I forget the last name, when it comes to me of if Donalda is reading this, I will add the name. They are adorable. I can't wait to see them when they get a bit older. Running around the house and playing, so cute. I love it when we had kittens here. *smiles* Ah, kittens, they always make you smile...unless you are Byron.

The New Orleans tragedy is really bothering me too. I have such mixed feelings. I mean, I feel absolutely horrible for those who lost their lives and their homes. I have in fact pleged a couple days of pay from my work to help those in need. But I just keep wondering, why didn't they leave their homes. I feel like they could have done so much more to help themselves and there are also people who even today will not leave their homes. I feel sick about it. My sister has been watching Oprah everyday watching the coverage. I can't bring myself to sit down and watch it. Does that make me a cold person? I just feel helpless watching tv shows about what is going on. I asked my sister if she was going to donate and she said she'd like to but doesn't know where to donate to, and I wonder how many other people are feeling that. I know that my few days wages aren't really going to do much but at least I feel less of the hopelessness as before. Not completely gone but less. My heart goes out to everyone effected.

Work is going okay. I can't actually remember my last day off. I think probably because it has been awhile. At least three weeks anyways. We had a girl who was sick so I had to give up my days off. I did volunteer but now she is bitching at me because she has to work the am shift, I want to tell her to fuck right off because if it wasn't for her supposed "sickness" I would have had a few days off and wouldn't have to worry about working so much. But I don't, I just sit and smmile and bide my time. What goes around comes around right...karma.

And it was a very sad Wednesday last week. Ty has unfortunately been voted off Rockstar:INXS. It was horrible for all of rockdom. I am certain that Ty will be back though and making his own album. I will definately be a fan. He is awesome.

Baby brother is now a Dynamiter. He is playing in Kimberly. I am hoping to head down for the home opener next weekend although because of our stupid staff I dont know if I can have ONE day off next week. I'm not impressed. But this isn't about me. Blair is really excited and looks like he will be living in his own apartment. Which is kinda awesome. Although I don't know how he would be able to live on his own, but everyone has to learn. *laugh* Baby brother is growing up. I'm really proud of him and I will post updates here.

Other than that. I'm feeling rather out of sorts. I will post more soon.

Kelsey Explained

Kelsey
The ship or island : Norse

Extremely intelligent in thought and deed you are gifted at communication and finding practical applications for your ideas. You are strong willed and ambitious and need to have passion, freedom and adventure in your life. Always willing to help others your warm, honest and loyal nature ensures that you are loved by all. It is likely that you will achieve a great deal of success and recognition in life.

I am June

This is me, I am June, obviously! *smiles*


JUNE:Easy to talk to. Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone* always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. one guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. loves music. pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn.

Rock On.

So I worked the morning shift on Tuesday so I was able to catch Rockstar:INXS. Ty again blew me away. I actually had goosebumps and I don't even like rock music that much. He sang "Proud Mary" and I was glued to his image (above). I'm such a dork, reality tv oriented and all. This photo definately doesn't do him justice...he is way hotter than that! *smiles* Check out the show.

The weekend is almost here, I work tonight and then have three days off, which is awesome because this Dunster Music Fest is this weekend. I'm stoked to go. It is going to be really really fun I think. There are a couple of hip hop acts too which is pretty exciting. I'm excited to hang out with everyone too. I usually have to work at least a few shifts but not this time. I got all they days I requested. But then next week will be a long one...so it all works out.

I want to talk about something else here too. So in BC the teachers are thinking of going on strike. I am so pissed about it, be warned, this might turn into a rant. I don't think the teachers should be allowed to go on strike. It isn't like they are actually making a point. Seriously though. They will walk off the job for one day and then the government will legislate them back to work and they will end up looking ridiculous. Teachers are going on strike because they want more money, and because they have no contract as of this year. Well to be honest, I think it is a bunch of horseshit. The teachers make enough money already but even then, if they want more money they neeed to bargain for it, not strike. The only people who end up being affected by the strike are the kids. The government doesn't care. WHen I was in Grade 12 the teachers went out in May, which means that our final exams were postponed, which most kids would be really happy about however in BC we had these exams called Provinicals. All 12 students around the province have to write them and we are scored all together, which means that these are the marks that universities look at. Because ours had to be postponed means that generally most of the spots for Universities were already taken. Each test occurs at the same time around the province. I applied to a bunch of schools with my late test results and low and behold I got into my last choice school because the others were already full. I was beside myself I was so angry. My grades were really really good in highschool...definatley an A student. But I got over that one, I ended up loving my school and was happy I didn't move to Quebec. So then in my third and final year of university the union went on strike again. And again this was during the final exam time. And because both of my parents are part of the union (they work for the school district and mum is specialized) I was not allowed to cross the picket line. To make matters worse I was part of the student union so I was not even allowed to be involved with the negotiations. I recieved a call from two of my profs to say that if I missed my exams due to the strike that I would recieve a failing grade. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place so I did what any political science student would do...I went up to the school and to the picket line. I talked to the leader of the strike and told him what was going on...IE: that I have finals today to complete my degree, that I am paying money, my OWN money to be there, that my parents are both union members, that I understand what they are fighting for but that I can't say I agree and that because I am a member of the student union I might lose my position so that I can complete my exams. He was a bit stunned at the moment so I grabbed my cell and called my Mum. I was in tears because I didn't know what to do. On one hand the union has taken care of my family for my entire life. On the other hand I cannot just give up these classes. I had two left to complete my degree and had paid $1200 for each class of my hard earned monies. On yet another hand, I didn't think it fair that I lose my position within the student union for doing something that I saw no way around. Finally Mum picked up and said, "YOu cannot cross that picket line, for any reason." This made it even more hard. I talked more and more to the picket leader and finally we came to an agreement. He said he would sign a paper saying that they permitted me to go and write my final exams as long as I did not use any school facilities or spend any money within in the school, thus saying that I could walk in, sit down, write my finals and get out, not use the bathroom or anything else. We wrote our little contract on a napkin which I still have. It was a horrible day for me. Who were the victims of this strike? ME! AND MY FELLOW STUDENTS. I have several friends who took F's for what they believed in, and several friends who walked right through swearing at the picketers. They ended up on strike for one more day and then the government legislated them back to work. They ended up getting nothing that they went on strike for. They also ended up with lawsuits from students who lost money and grades. The issue is still talked about on campus. Strikes accomplish nothing. It is a totall waste. Blah blah blah. Enough of this.

Love TY. Watch the show. Rock on.

Yes I am the boss

*scream* I have so much to say all at the same time! First things first. So I got my pink hair back. It is awesome. I am more than beyond stoked about it!!! *Grins* I'll get some photos soon. So it is pink and black in the front, and blonde in the back. I know, sounds weird and you know what? It looks weird too, however, it is so cool that you can't stop looking at it and I can't stop smiling about it! *smiles* I'm so awesome.

Secondly, my John Legend CD's arrived today. They are INCREDIBLE. Did I mention that they are the BEST SONGS EVER? Or what about how AMAZING John Legend is? Yes, I adore the new CD as well as an older one I managed to get my hands on. It is truly amazing what the power of boobs can do...*laugh* Just kidding. I listened to each CD on my way home today, I was driving like 20 kph. For the Americans out there, that is Kilometers per hour, it is also on your mileage gage...makes it look like you're going real fast! My favourite song is still Ordinary People but I'm getting pretty hooked on "She don't need to know." Even though it is a song about cheating and that makes me mad. *laugh* John Legend could never upset me. He is truly a gift for me, his music is more than beautiful. Go buy it. Right now. You'll love it. I promise.

So in more exciting news, I have the weekend off. I'm going to go to Dunster to the concert. My sister is performing. Should be hilarious and fun. I hope it doesn't rain. But I'm super excited to go. It will be a really really fun time. *smiles* I love live music. And supposedly a really great conscious hip hop group is coming...so I can't wait to jam with some outrageous CANADIAN MC'ees. *smile* I am so stoked...I am so happy.

Other than that, I'm working the morning shift and feeling pretty exhausted so I should go. And maybe take a nap. or just listen to my new CD's again. Or perhaps just daydream. I love to daydream. About being in California or Texas, about seeing the Golden Gate Bridge or the Pyramids. Daydreams provide such an escape for me. I find myself daydreaming at the most inopportune times but once a daydream comes, you can't just ignore it. Besides that, it is a stress relief. *smiles* More to come.

my pink hair

Upon waking up today with a horrid hangover I am remembering how much I could party without consequence three years ago. I never had a hangover much less feeling like the bag of rotten potatoes I feel like right now. And I didn't even drink that much. This surely cannot mean that I at 24 years old am getting old? Can it? It is unreal to say the least. Work tonight shall be a fantastic time as Cammie is feeling the same way...we are quite the team. *laugh*In more good, no GREAT, news, I am reinstating the pink hair. For those of you who didn't know, for eight glorious months I had pink hair. Then all of a sudden I was worried about fading and lookign like a hoochie and we got rid of it and replaced my lovely pink hair with carmel and platinum blonde. That was over four months ago and to be honest, I'm still feeling the regret of removing the pink. My stylist finally has come through for me...she is going to let me do the pink again. You must understand that I am in her salon chair twice a month doing something else to my hair because it isn't cool enough, or it isn't exciting enough, I tell her, I NEED DRAMA, bring me the high energy excitment hair. We've tried alot of things and countless hours have been poured in my hair. She was adamnt for a long while that the pink was a thing of the past, but no, oh no, she has relented and I'm pleased as hawaiian punch! So keep your eyes peeled for ever more photos of me, with my pink hair. *yippee*

The Four Wine Bottles

So having finally recovered from drinking four bottles of wine to myself two days ago, this morning I'm feeling great. Yesterday morning wasn't as good. Thankfully I didn't get the full extent of a usual wine hangover, just felt crappy and pretty stunned all day. And what brought this on? I'm not too sure. I was just having a glass, and a glass turned into a bottle and one turned into four. I don't remember alot from the night, like I don't remember even opening the fifth bottle *yikes*, and I don't remember going to bed. I don't remember my friends leaving. Not good...but good at the same time. I love having days off.

So at work they fired the person who was making my working life hell. It came as a total shock to me. Seeingshow I'm leaving at the end of this month anyways. I can't wait to be home with George. I can't wait to head to San Diego and see my Californians. I can't wait to feel that hot heat of Texas on my skin and hear most everybody say y'all. I can't wait to shop whenever I want and actually bring the stuff home with me instead of waiting three weeks for it to arrive in the mail. I can't wait to hit up the clubs and dance until the wee hours of the morning. I can't wait to see John Legend or Kayne West live in some stadium or venue. Speaking of which, so the day before I moved to Washington from San Diego, Laurie and I went to this little place called Humphrey's by the Bay. It is this little lounge that I fell in love with. It didn't hurt that they had this unreal latin grooves band playing that night. So anyways, in September John Legend is playing there. I want to go so badly. This little club is so intimate and I think he would sound so incredible there. His velvet voice...I hope I can get there. *grooving to Common right now*

Okay so I'm still a dork too, I'm totally feeling the new Jermaine Dupri song..."Gotta Getcha". I'm going to take a stab in the dark and guess that this song is about his girl Janet Jackson. I want to have a song about me. Maybe not one quite like that but still, imagine knowing that you have a song written about you. I actually when I was 16 dated a guy who was the lead singer in a rock band. He wrote a song for me, but titled it "Mary Jane" as Kelsey just doesn't rhyme with anything. Or least that was what he claimed, I found out later that he was also dating three other girls at the same time and we all met at a volleyball tournament. It was sick actually. *laughing* Four 16 year old girls fighting at a school volleyball tournament. I wish I could say that my team beat all theirs but unfortunately my team sucked so badly we didn't win a game. *laughing* Although in the beginning part of one game, where the entire teams line up on opposite sides and serve balls constantly, I managed (NOT TRYING TO) to hit one of those stupid girls in the face with my serve. She got a bleeding nose and was definately going to beat me up after the game...*laugh* It never came to that, the stupid boy showed up and my vengeful bitch side took over. A lady in public....screaming bitch in private. *smiles*

My day today is going to consist of sitting outside, sun tanning and relaxing. I'm also going to work on the laundry and get the house all cleaned up. Not that it is messy but still...I like it clean as can be. Talk to y'all later.

R.I.P Peter Jennings

So a great Canadian died today. Peter Jennings. And although most Americans believe him to be their own, he is in fact a Canadian. He was a great man and an inspirational reporter. I actually have not the right words to really do him justice...so I leave it at Rest In Peace Mr. Jennings.

I got a spectacular pedicure today. My feet good incredible. And I feel better too. I feel good about having my toes all done. Makes me want to wear the most gorgeous sandals ever and just show everyone my new pretty toes. *smiles*

Monday Monday Monday. I feel a bit of a mess today. I can't decide what to wear, how to wear my hair and if I should do different makeup. Such important questions. *laughing* yea right. I need to just chill more. I need to just put on an outfit, know I look great and relax. *laughing* Alot easier said than done. Off to fiddle with my clothes.

Donalda and Kelsey are so cute.

last night we had a good time. went to the bar. had a good night, went to Dean's house and just chilled...until 5am. It was nice. It was fun. It was hilarious. From our hometown hero Vincent Clark dressed as a fisherman dancing around to Donalda making her most hilarious faces. This photo is one of how cute we are. Yes we had a bit to drink, but we are so cute. Donalda is really important to me. She is always there to make me smile when I need someone. She is my family too though. I've grown up with her. Her family is as close as my own family. I love her.

George is home in the US now. Horray! *smiles* I missed him sooooo much. I can't wait to get home to him. Turns out we're not moving back to California like I thought. We're staying in Texas for awhile. At least a year. Which is cool, I don't mind living in Texas although I was really really looking forward to being in California. I miss California so much. I miss my Californians so much. But all in good time. Hopefully we'll be posted back in San Diego. I'm so excited to leave and get into my own house with all my own stuff. My own life back again. Yea!!!!

Anyways, thats all for now. Tune in later for more exciting stuff.

My Only Guarantee.

Accept me as I am - I have no guarantee. A claim to perfection I have not. Perfect I cannot be. I like you.....am human. Prone to make mistakes. Failure is not a character flaw Just a part of the human makeup. I live I laugh and I also learn. My knowledge is incomplete. I am searching all the time in waking hours as well as sleep. I have a long road to travel as well as you do. We learn our lessons on the way. Wisdom we shall accrue. Accept me as I am Because I am ....me. And You are you. No one like me in the world. That is my only guarantee.

Sisters

Back to work today. Feeling pretty good. Thankful that I'm working with Cammille tonight. Should be a fun time. Excited for dinner. *laugh* So last night I was with Jayda and B, sitting in a nice hot tub and having some drinks until about 4am. It was great. So nice to just relax. I seem to spend a great deal of time worrying about relaxing which is kinda the opposite of actually doing the relaxing. Last week was a really tough week. I went through alot of emotions and issues but I think it has been mostly all sorted out. *smiles*

My sister is mad at me again. For what this time I have no clue. She is always stressing also. Must be a family trait although she doesn't know how to deal with stress, she just gets mad right away. I can't really blame her though...although her life is not stressful in the least. But each to their own. I can't be worried about everyone else all the time.

Only 26 more days until I'm done at the HI. I'm so excited!!!! On that note I'm going to go and spend two hours curling my hair for work. Have a great Tuesday!!!

Cowgirl Up!

Don't you just love 4 am phone calls? I certainly do. I love waking up to the phone to hear one of my friends or family just needs to talk to me, or just to talk to anyone and because I'm always up for the conversation they call me. I will admit to being a persisitant 4 am caller as well. I don't sleep well and sometimes I get myself so worked up with the day's drama that I just need to spill my guts.

So today I did something so great for myself. I bought the new John Legend album. Well ordered it since I live in the middle of nowhere in the middle of a vast country of snow...just kidding. BUt yea, it is coming from the internet somewhere and being delivered to my house next week I think. I'm so excited I could camp out the post office. I find his music not only uplifting and so incredibly inspirational but also thought provoking, like I'm driving home at 3:30am after hanging out with my lovlies and singing "Ordinary People" at the top of my lungs in my sisters little car, I'm rather surprised that I don't crash or at least the windows don't shatter out due to my magnificent singing abilities but the music moves me. He has a velvet voice, like I want to be wrapped up in his voice and learn the lyrics because I feel like it would make me a better person. I am insane.

So last night, we went out, we partied, kinda, I ended up falling asleep at the Canoe Mnt. Lodge lobby so I went home, I hate that. Stupid working at 7am. I couldn't even stay up. It was a weird night after that. I slept and talked on the phone and read. And my brother came home, left again in his truck and then came back again, without it. *confused* But back to last night, we all went out to dinner, me, B, nat, tony (nat's dad) uncle dale, vince and jordan. We went to the cariboo grill, ordered pitchers of Chi Chi's and shots of Jagermeister. It was a great night although I drank so much I totally forgot to order chocolate cheesecake, I'm thinking that they should automatically serve it much like they do that AMAZING cheesebread. It is the highlight of dinner there. Then we went back to the hotel and chilled for awhile, met Bryce and his new girl Katie, I fell asleep, got a ride to B's and drove home, yes singing my heart out. Then today I slept until 2:30pm. What a great day off, although Jenny called and told me that I need to come in to Bartend tonight...which will be fun...I think.

Other than that, not alot is new, or interesting. I'm going to go and clean my room. It is a nightmare, waking up at 5:30am isn't good for a room. I am rushing around, still asleep kinda trying to get dressed and get my face together. It is scary in there. So ttyl. Ugh. I hate that. I hate it when people type that. seems so elemetary school to me. yuck. TALK TO YOU LATER...ooiohhh...that took so long to type. Anyways, will write more later. Peace.

My Eyes

Further and Further I go, feeling the flow, making no dough, mind bright with dayglow, feeling the wind blow, wishing for snow, totally in-to the know, watching them grow, doing only so-so. Not feeling real, not knowing how to feel, or how to heal, or how to deal with the busted open seal of my mind, like the rest of mankind, feeling left all behind, looking through blind eyes. I didn't come from the streets, I'm only learning the beats, finding my own feet, going inside me for a meet and greet, I've been feeling the heat race through me, it's in my soul, but also deep down there is a big gaping hole, this is where the music sleeps,and my secret keeps aways from the sneaks and cheats. nobody can hold me back, nobody can hold me down, cause baby I'm a queen even without a crown, I'll say what I want or act like a clown, in front of the whole town. Sometimes my own lyrics can't compare to the invisible beat ringing out through the air. Through my words I urge to teach, I want to help those who just can't reach, I don't want to give that played out speech or just get stoned like Cheech, there are kids clinging like a leech to the only thing they know but they need to grow, I need to know, when to blow my flow and bring myself into the glow of the live show because these eyes know.

Gorgeous Mountain Girl

So here I am, sitting here at my computer, staring out the window at some of the most gorgeous scenery every seen. I was talking to a guy from Australia today (he looked alot like Ty from my earlier posts) and he was telling me how everyday waking up to this natural beauty would put him in the most happiest moods, (if only he was talking about me *laughing*) and I realize I've been taking it for granted. Like everything else. For instance, I talked to George today. We have our rough spots and our problems but he is a wonderful man. I definately take him for granted. As I do another close friend I have. Okay, all my friends. I tend to over-react and take things far too seriously. I need to let go a bit and just enjoy my life. *smiles*

I must have sad love song station on right now. I'm feeling all lovey and caring and junk. *laughing* I hate getting like this sober...speaking of sober, Nathalie is coming down today! Yea. I'm so stoked about that. She is awesome. Such a great girl. *smiles* We're going to have a good weekend. *smiles* Horray...good weekends...with my girls...well Donalda and Nat but those two are so great that I'm so excited. I might even stay up tonight...oooh...and I have to work tomorrow at 7am. Yuck.

Oh yea...hey TONY! I MISS YOU! Just a random shout...*smiles* In case you might be reading this...*smiles*

I need to eat...I'm wasting away...*laughing* Yea right...but still gotta keep up my girlish figure...*wink* Have a great night.

i love canada

I'm so tired today. I didn't get anything done today. Got up, went to work, went to Cammie's, went to dinner, checked my email and heading to bed. Booring! Aww, Cammie's sister was here today and she has pink in her hair...I MISS MY PINK! so much. I want it back so badly. *sigh*

Other than that, not alot is new. Well nothing really. *laugh* I'm feeling good today. It rained all day though. I can't wait to get back to Cali and back to the sunshine, and shopping and hookah and George. I miss him so much. I miss my California people alot. Especially in the summer...we had such great summers.

I'll keep this one short. How are you all!?!? Email me. rhianen@hotmail.com

Stay Alive

Just some words from inside:

Then I see you standing there, wanting more from me and all I can do is cry because I really can't say goodbye, my eyes begin to cry and I fight it, look at the sky and wish I could fly. We are free, free to be me, free to see, free to flee whenever something happens to be more for you than for me, like waves in the sea, crashing happily without remedy. I'm on a lyrical mission cause I've got a guilty addiction, red letters give me this affliction, I'm in a bad condition, I lay here alone feeling the pain, again and again, it is always the same, a beauty game, there is no one to blame, but a demon to tame before I go insane from these chains hung around my heart to keep it from falling apart, from the start, an unreadable chart. For all the beautiful things going on in the world today, for all those feeling the passion of the flame, for all those taming the blame and rejecting the game, you are the ones to whom I reach and urge to teach, life is a beach, there is danger if you go in too deep, but happiness can be yours to keep if you stay in the sand and walk hand in hand with your life unplanned and not held down by the banned. Embrace the sun, enjoy yourself, have fun, thats me I'm done living a fake lie, living by the roll of someone else's die, trying to please the guy, all I do is try, by and by, I will survive and stay alive.

Approved!

*dancing around in a little cirlce* I got an email from immigration today and it says that my I130 has been approved. I'm so excited!!!! I'm not sure still what it means...but I think it means I get to go home soon! Look out California.

I can't wait to get back to the US. Seriously, I love Canada but I can't wait to get back into my real life. My own car, my own house, my own stuff and of course my friends and husband. I'm beyond stoked to get my life back in order. But I am going to miss everyone here sooo much. I love my friends here. You know, I thank god for them every night. Without these awesome people, I would be so lost in the woods. Litterally.

I have to run off, I need to have a foot soak, my feet are super sore. I hope that everyone is great and I hope to hear from you all soon! If you want to see more of my photos, I upload about 100 every week or two, email me and I'll send you a link to all my online photos.

xoxo kelsey

What's up with the bugs?

So in one week two of my friends have eaten bugs. I will be posting a photo of the bug Vince ate. It is disgusting. He managed to chew it and then spit it out. It was gross. I'll be sure to post the link to the photos. Vince Eating the BUG!

In more exciting news. Okay, I'm a big dork but I've been watching Rockstar:INXS. Maybe partly because I have a crush on Dave Navarro or perhaps I just am interested in getting in the middle of him and his beautiful bride Carmen Elektra. Anyways, I met Ty tonight...via my tv. I think I might be in love. He has this voice that makes me melt and isn't even performing the type of music I like. I'm not a rock fan actually. But Ty, yes that is a photo of him. Black, a mohawk, tattooed, sings...*I'm still married, I'm still married, I'm still married.* Moving right along...

We went to Jasper today. I'm really pumped that I'm not hung over. I got a little drunk last night. I love drinking. I love getting drunk. I felt so happy! It is insane. Thankfully I don't do it near as much as in California. I sat around with all of my friends and had a wonderful BBQ. It was such a fantastic day off. We had burgers and then drank, well I drank since the beginning of the afternoon, and then sat around the fire. Yes more and more photos to follow. I'll be uploading them tonight or maybe tomorrow. Not alot of casualties last night either. Nicole got her hand burned by Donalda's flaming marshmallow but hey, there are always some accidents involved with making s'mores. But it was really fun because Jen had never made s'mores and she LOVES chocolate...such fun.

Back to Jasper. We went, me and Mum and Nicole. It was a good day...although I was planning on buying alot and didn't buy hardly anything. I got this super cool eyeliner powder. It is going to be really neat to play with. Other than that, got a new book and some other boring makeup. Boring but necessary.


I'm heading to bed...I'm tired and I have to be back in hell tomorrow at seven am. Have a great night!

I really REALLY want this tattoo...

so last night I had this incredible dream. and no, i'm not going to write about it here. it is so personal to me and so important to me that i want to keep it all to myself. i've been in and out of daydreams today remembering it. wow. so perfect. you know when you have those dreams that you feel that you have to write down so you don't forget them? it was one of those and instead of writing it down i emailed it to my love who the dream was all about...*smiles* I'm such a romantic.

in other news, my plans of getting wasted last night fizzled for sure. i'm going through alot of things right now and well, drinking isn't one of them. i'm having some heart problems, not medically but emotionally. i am so in love that it hurts...imagine. It is wonderful and not wonderful all at the same time. but I'm cool with it, because a love like this only comes around once.

so yea, went to the bar last night, saw friends I haven't seen since high school and that was six years ago! while it was great to see them, it was also hard because i feel like we're not close at all anymore and that sucks. but that is life...right?

my cousin katie stopped by today. CONGRATS to her, she and John are getting married next summer. I'm so excited for her. She has such a beauiful soul and such gorgeous little boys. i hope her and i remain close forever...she is awesome.

work still sucks.

i am tired and feeling a bit drained. i'm off to read a bit and write a letter to a special someone...peace yall.

k

My Apologies

Good Morning Sunshine! yea right. Good morning more pouring rain. Although it looks like it might go away...(hoping.) So last night was a terrible night at work. I actually couldn't even go out afterwards, I had too much of a headache and was in too bad of a mood. I hate the hotel. Yep, I said it. I love my job, and SOME of my co-workers but the bullshit is just too much. It is actually taking the happy part of me away. I find myself feeling a bit empty and extreamly frusterated after leaving there. Not to mention working with stupid people. I'm not going to mention any names but HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE AT YOUR AGE!!?!?!? Seriously. Anyways, enough. I'm trying to cut back on the negative, I need a new job, one that doesn't make me into this wicked little witch I've been lately. Woosa.

If you're reading this and I've been crazy, obsessive, moody, emotional, over-dramatic, bitter, selfish or any other adjective that is less than pleasant, I definately apologize. I'd like to point out that if you are reading this right now, that we are friends and when we first became friends I was not like this and I want to let you know that it too will pass. Just the usual stress and such of being away from those I love and not even able to get into the country I want to live in...not to mention the above paragraph. Woosa.

I am thinking about getting totally looser wasted tonight. *laugh* Imagine. What a plan I have. I get off work at 11pm and I think I am going to get some wine, hang out with my good friends and just release all the bad stuff. I want to mention that I love my friends. I don't know what I would do without them. It kinda sucks that I have two close groups of friends, each in opposite ends of my life...meaning, I have my friends in California and my friends here in Canada (pictured above, missing Nicki, Corey, Kari and Emily). Both are so important to my life but both are so far from each other and to be honest, I don't think that they would mesh well together. However, I don't know...I am not the catalyst of either group so perhaps they would. Anyways, back to tonight. So..yea...don't be surprised to read something ridiculous here tonight...and for those of you who I have your cell numbers...watch out! Woosa.

A "bigger" girl

So I'm talking to Steve today (he is my finacial advisor although we've never met, he was assigned to me.) He is saying how he knows someone from the same town that I live in. He can't really remember her name but says to me "she has this sister, you know, a bigger girl." I'm kinda silent for a bit and then mention that I do know who he is talking about and that yes her sister is a bigger girl. He senses my irritation with this statement and says "there is nothing wrong with bigger girls." NO SHIT! I say that I'm quite positive that "bigger girls" (which I over accentuate) are much better than non-bigger girls. (Not to cause offense to any of you who are reading this.) He is kinda silent for a minute and changes the subject but I don't fall for that...I tell him that with all of the pain being caused in the world that there is no reason for a persons weight to be a trigger for them anymore. I tell him that I am probably one of the biggest girls he knows that I'm sick and tired of "fat" being a degrogatory word. I'm done with being big equal to being bad. Us "bigger girls" are not disgusting because we are not a size 6 or 10 or 15. Just a usual fat rant. Yea I'm fat...deal with it.

Cammille ate a moth

OMG!!!

So, after work, and much drinking on behalf of the girls, we cram seven people into the charriott and are off to the bar. Pretty happening place but when nine girls walk in things really get going. My girlfriend Cammille has here seven best friends come to visit, so we are trying to show them a good time. The bar ends with nothing really eventful happening, well aside from some weird white guy breakdancing and the steady threat of flashing boobs from old nasty cougars, so we decide to go a party, not just any party either, a trailer party. Okay, so call me bitchy or snobby but I don't really dig trailers, and I especially don't dig them with parties attached with random guys who stare at my boobs (i realize they are kinda big, get over it already!) So after a few more drinks and trips outside to pee (i'm so thankful I wasn't drinking) a moth flies into the house, I mean trailer...Uncle Dale (who is nobody's uncle really) catches it and jokes about eating for five bucks, somehow this poor little furry insect ends up in Cammille's hand and after much hooahing and dooooits she says "show me the money" and they do, about $28.00 goes down, plus some change and so does it. Yes she actually swollowed it. She blows my mind. And if you're wondering if Cammille is some handcore renegade dirt girl, thats her in the photo with me above this...yes...such a pretty girl...with such a dirty mouth...ewww...

Thursday Morning

So, I'm back to work today. Feels like monday. Feels like a shitty monday. Although I will note that the sun is shinning for the first time in months...two months to be exact. I know that most of my american amigos think that Canada is cold and snowy but let me tell you, we USUALLY have the most remarkable summers...totally hot and gorgeous. We have had neither of those things yet...until today. Yea...summer might have officially arrived.

So, I got news from INS...I get to take my citizenship test in approximately 992 days. So...what does that mean? not alot quite yet. I'm still waiting on my K3 visa to get back into the United States. Do I ever have big plans for going home too. Got people to see and things to do.

So hows that for my first blog. Keep tuned in. Much more drama to come.