Cowgirl Up!

Don't you just love 4 am phone calls? I certainly do. I love waking up to the phone to hear one of my friends or family just needs to talk to me, or just to talk to anyone and because I'm always up for the conversation they call me. I will admit to being a persisitant 4 am caller as well. I don't sleep well and sometimes I get myself so worked up with the day's drama that I just need to spill my guts.

So today I did something so great for myself. I bought the new John Legend album. Well ordered it since I live in the middle of nowhere in the middle of a vast country of snow...just kidding. BUt yea, it is coming from the internet somewhere and being delivered to my house next week I think. I'm so excited I could camp out the post office. I find his music not only uplifting and so incredibly inspirational but also thought provoking, like I'm driving home at 3:30am after hanging out with my lovlies and singing "Ordinary People" at the top of my lungs in my sisters little car, I'm rather surprised that I don't crash or at least the windows don't shatter out due to my magnificent singing abilities but the music moves me. He has a velvet voice, like I want to be wrapped up in his voice and learn the lyrics because I feel like it would make me a better person. I am insane.

So last night, we went out, we partied, kinda, I ended up falling asleep at the Canoe Mnt. Lodge lobby so I went home, I hate that. Stupid working at 7am. I couldn't even stay up. It was a weird night after that. I slept and talked on the phone and read. And my brother came home, left again in his truck and then came back again, without it. *confused* But back to last night, we all went out to dinner, me, B, nat, tony (nat's dad) uncle dale, vince and jordan. We went to the cariboo grill, ordered pitchers of Chi Chi's and shots of Jagermeister. It was a great night although I drank so much I totally forgot to order chocolate cheesecake, I'm thinking that they should automatically serve it much like they do that AMAZING cheesebread. It is the highlight of dinner there. Then we went back to the hotel and chilled for awhile, met Bryce and his new girl Katie, I fell asleep, got a ride to B's and drove home, yes singing my heart out. Then today I slept until 2:30pm. What a great day off, although Jenny called and told me that I need to come in to Bartend tonight...which will be fun...I think.

Other than that, not alot is new, or interesting. I'm going to go and clean my room. It is a nightmare, waking up at 5:30am isn't good for a room. I am rushing around, still asleep kinda trying to get dressed and get my face together. It is scary in there. So ttyl. Ugh. I hate that. I hate it when people type that. seems so elemetary school to me. yuck. TALK TO YOU LATER...ooiohhh...that took so long to type. Anyways, will write more later. Peace.

My Eyes

Further and Further I go, feeling the flow, making no dough, mind bright with dayglow, feeling the wind blow, wishing for snow, totally in-to the know, watching them grow, doing only so-so. Not feeling real, not knowing how to feel, or how to heal, or how to deal with the busted open seal of my mind, like the rest of mankind, feeling left all behind, looking through blind eyes. I didn't come from the streets, I'm only learning the beats, finding my own feet, going inside me for a meet and greet, I've been feeling the heat race through me, it's in my soul, but also deep down there is a big gaping hole, this is where the music sleeps,and my secret keeps aways from the sneaks and cheats. nobody can hold me back, nobody can hold me down, cause baby I'm a queen even without a crown, I'll say what I want or act like a clown, in front of the whole town. Sometimes my own lyrics can't compare to the invisible beat ringing out through the air. Through my words I urge to teach, I want to help those who just can't reach, I don't want to give that played out speech or just get stoned like Cheech, there are kids clinging like a leech to the only thing they know but they need to grow, I need to know, when to blow my flow and bring myself into the glow of the live show because these eyes know.

Gorgeous Mountain Girl

So here I am, sitting here at my computer, staring out the window at some of the most gorgeous scenery every seen. I was talking to a guy from Australia today (he looked alot like Ty from my earlier posts) and he was telling me how everyday waking up to this natural beauty would put him in the most happiest moods, (if only he was talking about me *laughing*) and I realize I've been taking it for granted. Like everything else. For instance, I talked to George today. We have our rough spots and our problems but he is a wonderful man. I definately take him for granted. As I do another close friend I have. Okay, all my friends. I tend to over-react and take things far too seriously. I need to let go a bit and just enjoy my life. *smiles*

I must have sad love song station on right now. I'm feeling all lovey and caring and junk. *laughing* I hate getting like this sober...speaking of sober, Nathalie is coming down today! Yea. I'm so stoked about that. She is awesome. Such a great girl. *smiles* We're going to have a good weekend. *smiles* Horray...good weekends...with my girls...well Donalda and Nat but those two are so great that I'm so excited. I might even stay up tonight...oooh...and I have to work tomorrow at 7am. Yuck.

Oh yea...hey TONY! I MISS YOU! Just a random shout...*smiles* In case you might be reading this...*smiles*

I need to eat...I'm wasting away...*laughing* Yea right...but still gotta keep up my girlish figure...*wink* Have a great night.

i love canada

I'm so tired today. I didn't get anything done today. Got up, went to work, went to Cammie's, went to dinner, checked my email and heading to bed. Booring! Aww, Cammie's sister was here today and she has pink in her hair...I MISS MY PINK! so much. I want it back so badly. *sigh*

Other than that, not alot is new. Well nothing really. *laugh* I'm feeling good today. It rained all day though. I can't wait to get back to Cali and back to the sunshine, and shopping and hookah and George. I miss him so much. I miss my California people alot. Especially in the summer...we had such great summers.

I'll keep this one short. How are you all!?!? Email me. rhianen@hotmail.com

Stay Alive

Just some words from inside:

Then I see you standing there, wanting more from me and all I can do is cry because I really can't say goodbye, my eyes begin to cry and I fight it, look at the sky and wish I could fly. We are free, free to be me, free to see, free to flee whenever something happens to be more for you than for me, like waves in the sea, crashing happily without remedy. I'm on a lyrical mission cause I've got a guilty addiction, red letters give me this affliction, I'm in a bad condition, I lay here alone feeling the pain, again and again, it is always the same, a beauty game, there is no one to blame, but a demon to tame before I go insane from these chains hung around my heart to keep it from falling apart, from the start, an unreadable chart. For all the beautiful things going on in the world today, for all those feeling the passion of the flame, for all those taming the blame and rejecting the game, you are the ones to whom I reach and urge to teach, life is a beach, there is danger if you go in too deep, but happiness can be yours to keep if you stay in the sand and walk hand in hand with your life unplanned and not held down by the banned. Embrace the sun, enjoy yourself, have fun, thats me I'm done living a fake lie, living by the roll of someone else's die, trying to please the guy, all I do is try, by and by, I will survive and stay alive.

Approved!

*dancing around in a little cirlce* I got an email from immigration today and it says that my I130 has been approved. I'm so excited!!!! I'm not sure still what it means...but I think it means I get to go home soon! Look out California.

I can't wait to get back to the US. Seriously, I love Canada but I can't wait to get back into my real life. My own car, my own house, my own stuff and of course my friends and husband. I'm beyond stoked to get my life back in order. But I am going to miss everyone here sooo much. I love my friends here. You know, I thank god for them every night. Without these awesome people, I would be so lost in the woods. Litterally.

I have to run off, I need to have a foot soak, my feet are super sore. I hope that everyone is great and I hope to hear from you all soon! If you want to see more of my photos, I upload about 100 every week or two, email me and I'll send you a link to all my online photos.

xoxo kelsey

What's up with the bugs?

So in one week two of my friends have eaten bugs. I will be posting a photo of the bug Vince ate. It is disgusting. He managed to chew it and then spit it out. It was gross. I'll be sure to post the link to the photos. Vince Eating the BUG!

In more exciting news. Okay, I'm a big dork but I've been watching Rockstar:INXS. Maybe partly because I have a crush on Dave Navarro or perhaps I just am interested in getting in the middle of him and his beautiful bride Carmen Elektra. Anyways, I met Ty tonight...via my tv. I think I might be in love. He has this voice that makes me melt and isn't even performing the type of music I like. I'm not a rock fan actually. But Ty, yes that is a photo of him. Black, a mohawk, tattooed, sings...*I'm still married, I'm still married, I'm still married.* Moving right along...

We went to Jasper today. I'm really pumped that I'm not hung over. I got a little drunk last night. I love drinking. I love getting drunk. I felt so happy! It is insane. Thankfully I don't do it near as much as in California. I sat around with all of my friends and had a wonderful BBQ. It was such a fantastic day off. We had burgers and then drank, well I drank since the beginning of the afternoon, and then sat around the fire. Yes more and more photos to follow. I'll be uploading them tonight or maybe tomorrow. Not alot of casualties last night either. Nicole got her hand burned by Donalda's flaming marshmallow but hey, there are always some accidents involved with making s'mores. But it was really fun because Jen had never made s'mores and she LOVES chocolate...such fun.

Back to Jasper. We went, me and Mum and Nicole. It was a good day...although I was planning on buying alot and didn't buy hardly anything. I got this super cool eyeliner powder. It is going to be really neat to play with. Other than that, got a new book and some other boring makeup. Boring but necessary.


I'm heading to bed...I'm tired and I have to be back in hell tomorrow at seven am. Have a great night!

I really REALLY want this tattoo...

so last night I had this incredible dream. and no, i'm not going to write about it here. it is so personal to me and so important to me that i want to keep it all to myself. i've been in and out of daydreams today remembering it. wow. so perfect. you know when you have those dreams that you feel that you have to write down so you don't forget them? it was one of those and instead of writing it down i emailed it to my love who the dream was all about...*smiles* I'm such a romantic.

in other news, my plans of getting wasted last night fizzled for sure. i'm going through alot of things right now and well, drinking isn't one of them. i'm having some heart problems, not medically but emotionally. i am so in love that it hurts...imagine. It is wonderful and not wonderful all at the same time. but I'm cool with it, because a love like this only comes around once.

so yea, went to the bar last night, saw friends I haven't seen since high school and that was six years ago! while it was great to see them, it was also hard because i feel like we're not close at all anymore and that sucks. but that is life...right?

my cousin katie stopped by today. CONGRATS to her, she and John are getting married next summer. I'm so excited for her. She has such a beauiful soul and such gorgeous little boys. i hope her and i remain close forever...she is awesome.

work still sucks.

i am tired and feeling a bit drained. i'm off to read a bit and write a letter to a special someone...peace yall.

k

My Apologies

Good Morning Sunshine! yea right. Good morning more pouring rain. Although it looks like it might go away...(hoping.) So last night was a terrible night at work. I actually couldn't even go out afterwards, I had too much of a headache and was in too bad of a mood. I hate the hotel. Yep, I said it. I love my job, and SOME of my co-workers but the bullshit is just too much. It is actually taking the happy part of me away. I find myself feeling a bit empty and extreamly frusterated after leaving there. Not to mention working with stupid people. I'm not going to mention any names but HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE AT YOUR AGE!!?!?!? Seriously. Anyways, enough. I'm trying to cut back on the negative, I need a new job, one that doesn't make me into this wicked little witch I've been lately. Woosa.

If you're reading this and I've been crazy, obsessive, moody, emotional, over-dramatic, bitter, selfish or any other adjective that is less than pleasant, I definately apologize. I'd like to point out that if you are reading this right now, that we are friends and when we first became friends I was not like this and I want to let you know that it too will pass. Just the usual stress and such of being away from those I love and not even able to get into the country I want to live in...not to mention the above paragraph. Woosa.

I am thinking about getting totally looser wasted tonight. *laugh* Imagine. What a plan I have. I get off work at 11pm and I think I am going to get some wine, hang out with my good friends and just release all the bad stuff. I want to mention that I love my friends. I don't know what I would do without them. It kinda sucks that I have two close groups of friends, each in opposite ends of my life...meaning, I have my friends in California and my friends here in Canada (pictured above, missing Nicki, Corey, Kari and Emily). Both are so important to my life but both are so far from each other and to be honest, I don't think that they would mesh well together. However, I don't know...I am not the catalyst of either group so perhaps they would. Anyways, back to tonight. So..yea...don't be surprised to read something ridiculous here tonight...and for those of you who I have your cell numbers...watch out! Woosa.

A "bigger" girl

So I'm talking to Steve today (he is my finacial advisor although we've never met, he was assigned to me.) He is saying how he knows someone from the same town that I live in. He can't really remember her name but says to me "she has this sister, you know, a bigger girl." I'm kinda silent for a bit and then mention that I do know who he is talking about and that yes her sister is a bigger girl. He senses my irritation with this statement and says "there is nothing wrong with bigger girls." NO SHIT! I say that I'm quite positive that "bigger girls" (which I over accentuate) are much better than non-bigger girls. (Not to cause offense to any of you who are reading this.) He is kinda silent for a minute and changes the subject but I don't fall for that...I tell him that with all of the pain being caused in the world that there is no reason for a persons weight to be a trigger for them anymore. I tell him that I am probably one of the biggest girls he knows that I'm sick and tired of "fat" being a degrogatory word. I'm done with being big equal to being bad. Us "bigger girls" are not disgusting because we are not a size 6 or 10 or 15. Just a usual fat rant. Yea I'm fat...deal with it.

Cammille ate a moth

OMG!!!

So, after work, and much drinking on behalf of the girls, we cram seven people into the charriott and are off to the bar. Pretty happening place but when nine girls walk in things really get going. My girlfriend Cammille has here seven best friends come to visit, so we are trying to show them a good time. The bar ends with nothing really eventful happening, well aside from some weird white guy breakdancing and the steady threat of flashing boobs from old nasty cougars, so we decide to go a party, not just any party either, a trailer party. Okay, so call me bitchy or snobby but I don't really dig trailers, and I especially don't dig them with parties attached with random guys who stare at my boobs (i realize they are kinda big, get over it already!) So after a few more drinks and trips outside to pee (i'm so thankful I wasn't drinking) a moth flies into the house, I mean trailer...Uncle Dale (who is nobody's uncle really) catches it and jokes about eating for five bucks, somehow this poor little furry insect ends up in Cammille's hand and after much hooahing and dooooits she says "show me the money" and they do, about $28.00 goes down, plus some change and so does it. Yes she actually swollowed it. She blows my mind. And if you're wondering if Cammille is some handcore renegade dirt girl, thats her in the photo with me above this...yes...such a pretty girl...with such a dirty mouth...ewww...

Thursday Morning

So, I'm back to work today. Feels like monday. Feels like a shitty monday. Although I will note that the sun is shinning for the first time in months...two months to be exact. I know that most of my american amigos think that Canada is cold and snowy but let me tell you, we USUALLY have the most remarkable summers...totally hot and gorgeous. We have had neither of those things yet...until today. Yea...summer might have officially arrived.

So, I got news from INS...I get to take my citizenship test in approximately 992 days. So...what does that mean? not alot quite yet. I'm still waiting on my K3 visa to get back into the United States. Do I ever have big plans for going home too. Got people to see and things to do.

So hows that for my first blog. Keep tuned in. Much more drama to come.